Last evening, I had a talk with Lily, my wife. She said if I still worked in such a small city, Jurong, at about 40 years old, she would leave me. "I am no kidding." She said.
Her words directly led my sleeplessness. A bunch kind of ideas rushed into my brain till I fell asleep. The strongest one of them was "Am I happy as a teacher".
I have been working as a chemistry teacher in a college since I graduated from university in 2003. Of course, it's my first job as yet. Why I wanted to be a teacher? In fact, I didn't have the idea to be a teacher untill the last semester. I was doing a series of experiments for my graduate paper. Thus, I have lots of opportunities to stay with my tutors. Teaching, doing research work, and having a lot of spare time to do what they like to do is their life. They can get a lot of fun from them. I like it. So, when I got a chance to be a teacher, I seized it. I became a teacher.
So, am I happy as a teacher? I never asked me such a question. It's time to think about it.
At the early days when I became a teacher, I was happy. I spent time to prepare my class, to impart chemistry knowledge to my students, and to talk with them. It was pretty fun to stay with people at the same age of me. Althought there's no research work for me, which I anticipated, I still felt happy. About half a year later, the teaching secretary of the department was given a maternity leave. And I was appointed to do her job, about for a semester. I took it, with no any refuse. But I didn't refuse it not because I wanted the job, but I didn't know how to refuse my boss. That was and still is my weakness. This is a hard work for everybody, in my opinion. You got to deal with everything of the department, far more than teaching, from the beginning of the semester to the end. I had to handle many situations everyday, just like stringing the scattered beads with a fine nylon. I was busy at that time. But I was still happy, because I found I could do things right even if I was in a mess. Apparently, my boss did find it, too. I became the secretary in 2006. And still the secretary, now. Every year, every semester, every week, and even everyday, I do the same work. It becomes very boring. My happiness as a teacher has gone, with the wind, maybe. I only have 6 classes a week. Teaching is no more my majoy work. My life is no longer like my tutors'. I am NOT happy now. It's the answer.
What's next?
I have no idea right now. Maybe I am still a teacher with no happiness but not-bad-salary as I grow older. Or I should do something else fun. The sound from my deep heart tells me I should choose the latter. But I get another sound from my brain. He asks me what I could do if I am not a teacher, if I could fit myself out of the ivory tower, how to repay the loan from the bank...
I don't know. As I writing these words down, I realize that I should no longer shut myself up in the tower of ivory. I'd better start to learn some skills other than teaching chemistry, or to get a part time job to learn to get along with people outside the tower.
